Mood:  chatty

Again, its been quite a while since I last wrote here. I don't think anyone reads, so its not like it mattters, but still...!

 Things are looking up. I've almost finished college now. I've applied for university also, to study child nursing. I'm quite excited about it! I applied for York, Nottingham, Manchester, Liverpool and Birmingham. I'm rather nervous, especially as I've made such a mess of my coursework both this year and last year.

I haven't been up to much. I'm still working at Wilkos, but even that's starting to do my head in now. It's tiring, looking at a till for 10 hours on my weekend!

I'm quite bored of college - and life. I need some excitement or something.

Posted by Sarah at 5:19 PM WAT

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Mood:  chatty

Wow, it's been almost 7 months since I updated here. I have been looking at my website and checking my emails, so don't think I'm ignoring you if I haven't replied. My life is pretty much full at the moment of college and work and college work so I haven't had much time to myself.

Nothing much has happened. Things are much better compared to what they were. I'm slowly coming off my medication, I'm seeing various people who are helping loads with depression stuff, and I think I can honestly say I'm starting to 'adapt' to the fact my mum is no longer here.

I've organised my holiday for this year also. http://contiki.co.uk/tours/103-europe-camping-21-days You can find it there, it's awesome. I'm going 13th August and I can't wait!

I finish college today for the summer. I'm quite behind on college work due to issues earlier in the year (I had a bit of a fluff up and ended up in hospital, self harm got outta control etc etc but it's all good now! I missed a lot of college so fell behind on work) so I have to come in a couple of days next year to catch up on the work I haven't done. It shouldn't take long, I'm pretty much caught up (well, in a fashion ;))

So, anyway. Thats my update! I can't stick around for long - I'm at college, and funnily enough, I have work to do!

Will make sure its not as long next time :-p

Sarah xxx

Posted by Sarah at 2:58 PM GMT

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Mood:  accident prone

Hey!

Thought I'd better post just to say I'm alive  I some how survived Christmas.

It's New Years Eve and I'm so busy reflecting on the past year. It hasn't been a good year. There has been lots and lots of good things that have happened (like starting a new college that I love, GMTV and so on) but the bad things that happened were enough to ruin my year. Self explanatory, really. I hope 2008 will be better. I dont think I could cope with another year like this. But hey, what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I have no plans for tonight. In fact I plan on sleeping through New Year. I don't like new year. I never have. It just makes me cry. So I'm going to sleep early tonight.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit Laura in London. I'm staying to the 3rd, having to come back for a stupid driving lesson on the 4th. Have spent the morning squishing her presents in my suitcase.

Anyway, should go, cos we have visitors and it's a bit rude for me to be sat online.

Sarah xx

Posted by Sarah at 9:45 AM WAT

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Mood:  irritated

Hello!

I decided maybe it's time to write something here seeing as I haven't for such a long time. I've been so busy I've barely had time to think, let alone blog-write. I've had millions of assignments at college, and they all seemed to come at the same time. I have at least three to do over christmas. Have coped surprisingly well with them considering what I'm usually like with coursework and such like.

Stuff hasn't been too fantastic. I need a kick up the arse. I have new medication for depression. Says it all, really. I havem't had any side effects from that apart from being tired constantly, but i'm not complaining. It got the to the point before where I barely slept at all, and was literally running off adrenaline. So early nights are nice (though thats not happning tonight for some reason), even if I do wake up feeling like I've had no sleep. Oh well. Such is life. At least I have no more long nights. Sleepless nights are so boring and seem to drag on forever.

It's Christmas in 10 days. Have finished my Christmas shopping - finished it a couple of weeks ago in fact. Have wrapped them all and tagged them all, so you could say I am extremely organised this year! That good thing is I get paid weekly at Wilkos so I can shop whenever I please. My contact finishes soon though, which I'm gutted about. Me and Wilkinsons have a love-hate relationship at the mo!

Have finished college now for Christmas. I have to go in on Tuesday to see my tutor, then on thursday morning for a 2 hour lesson, but apart from that, no more college til 2008 (scary!) I guess I can try and squash some more hours in a work - anything to put off having to do college work, really.

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say. I should go to bed. I have a driving lesson at 9am.

Again, apologies for the disappearance

xxx

Posted by Sarah at 11:35 PM WAT

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Mood:  chillin'

Hello there blogger-roos!

I do apologise for the almost-3-week disappearance, things have been very busy re. college, work, college work... you see where this is going!

Tonight and last night I volunteered at a cancer awareness event. It was organised by 'firefly' who attempt to raise awareness of testicular and prostate cancer and encourage men to "check their tackle!"  It was a fashion show type of thing and all of the models there were cancer sufferers and survivers. So inspirational! The people I met were fantastic. I had lots of fun anyway, and I also got to see the show for free! I was a raffle ticket seller - you wouldn't think that job would be stressful would you? YOU'RE WRONG! It IS! It wasn't too bad at the beginning of the event, but during the interval I had people coming at me left, right and center to buy their raffle tickets, and people wanting a book of 4 (£1) and handing me a £20 note.

I have been really run down and deflated. I don't know whats wrong with me. I need a poke in the ribs and a personality injection. I'm just tired and headache-ish. I think its cos I had a cold the other week though and I'm still recovering....

Anyways, it's almost half past midnight so I'm off to bed.

Good night!

xxx

Posted by Sarah at 11:08 PM WAT

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Mood:  accident prone

I'm not overly keen, dont worry!

I only came back today because I have a picture of my impulse-buy-Fudge-hamster now. Here she is poking outta my sisters pocket:

 Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life! She's so lovely!

I'm feeling a lot better today. My throat has been okay for the majority of the day, though I seem to have developed and horrible, tickly cough and a stuffy nose :-( I think i must be getting a cold or something. At least the headache has gone now. I felt like i was going to pass out last night cos my head was hurting so much.

I did go to see the clairvoyant last night. It was amazing. My mum didnt come through though, but the thought of her being able to do so was comforting. I'm going to see the same guy at the end of the month with my college friend, Hannah.

Anyway, its 12 minutes past one in the morning and I have to work tomorrow, so I suppose I should go to bed.

Na night

Sarah

(ps. not sure how to change the time settings on here since the clocks changed. I'm working on it)

Posted by Sarah at 1:10 AM GMT

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Mood:  d'oh

I'm ill :-( Kayleigh had tonsillitus last week and I think I've caught it off her. My throat started to hurt yesterday and today it feels like I'm swallowing knives... My head hurts and I feel like I'm about to pass out. It hurts

Today I'm supposed to be going out with a few friends to Wok Mania. Not sure I want to go anymore, but I'm waiting for my friends to text me back and let me know if they're coming. Half of me is wanting them to say "No, can't come", then the other part of me is wanting to get out of the house anyway, so wanting them to say yes. Tonight my aunties and I are going to see a clairvoyant. It's a big group one, so there'll be lots of other people there. My mum and me went before in the hope my grandma would come through, but she didnt, so fingers crossed for my mum coming through this time...

Some of my old friends from school came round last night to do halloween related stuff. The plan was to tell "scary" stories in the dark, so I was sat there with my laptop looking for something. Came across the story of "Bloody Mary", which reminded me of one halloween in Germany in year two or something, and we used to do Bloody Mary in the toilet all the time (for those who don't know the story, she was a witch that practiced black magic, and she lurred young girls into her cottage, killed them, and used their blood to make herself look young. She was burned by villagers, and now apparently if you turn the lights off in the toilets, turn the tap on and say three times "Bloody Mary" she comes and kills you and steals your blood...) Anyway, in Germany one halloween we did that in the toilets and one of the dinner ladies emerged from behind the open door with an axe, and dressed from head to toe in black. I have never been so scared in my life!

We found these interactive scary stories and sat hiding behind each other because of the scary music, only to discover the graphics on the animations were laughable. In the end we just ended up watching stupid things on YouTube. When my friends left it was around 11, and we were still getting trick or treaters, so Kayleigh and I hid outside in the garden and shook the bush as people walked by. It was soooo funny.

 Oh, I have a picture of my birthday cake now.

Its sparkly too but you can't see the sparklifulness. The key in the bottom right has 18 on it, and the thing sticking out next to the teddy says 18 on it too.

Oh! How could I forget?! We have a new addition to the family  I had another impulse buy the other day *bows head in shame* I bought a hamster. She's soooo cute! She's brown and white and I've called her Fudge. She's gorgeous and so friendly, though has a habit of trying to bury herself down the side of the sofa, and yesterday she tried to squash herself between me and the arm on the sofa, couldn't do it, so started biting away at things and bit my side. Ouch!

Thats all, I think.

Ta ta for now!

PS. Happy 1st Nov!

Posted by Sarah at 11:13 AM GMT

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Mood:  cool

It hasn't been that long since I last updated, but it feels like a life time. 

I haven't really been up to much. I had my first day at work last Saturday and it was IMMENSE. It was so busy and hectic and stressful I actually enjoyed it. The thing I didn't like about my old job was we were expected to be doing something all the time, but there was never anything to do. The good thing about my new job is a hell of a lot of people shop there, and its in the town center, so there is *always* something to be doing on the till or packing bags for customers.

Party last week. Because it was my first day at work I was almost last for my own party, haha. I didn't get home til about 6.45 and had to leave the house at 7.30, so had very limited time to get ready. I had to go shopping before I started work for something to wear - in the end I wore a black denim skirt, black footless leggings, a white t-shirt, black cardigan thingi, pink headband, pink sparkly shoes and a pink bag. I matched quite well, actually! The party itself was fantastic. By the time I went home I was very drunk, so was everyone else. The good thing is I remember absolutely everything. Always a bonus, isnt it?! I had chance to chat to cousins and people I only ever see at funerals (haha) which was nice. Was a good night, and my dad ordered me the coolest birthday cake EVER. It was white, with pink letters saying "Happy 18th birthday Sarah". It had a teddy on it holding roses and an 18 thingi sticking out of it. I took a picture on my sisters phone, but she has to put it on the computer before I can post it here. Obviously  I shall post a picture thought once she gets them on the computer. At the party my dad did this huge drama queen speech thing about it being my birthday. It was sooo embarrassing, especially when my cousin carried me to the front of the room so people could sing happy birthday to me. I've never been so embarrassed in my life!

College is going well. Today we gt sent home early because a boiler had burst or something, so the rooms in East block weren't accessible. We arrived at college at 9am, and were made to hang about college til 11.30am, whenwe were then told to go home. Pointless if you ask me... I told my friends someone had shot the boiler with a pelet gun and they believed me and asked the tutor. IT was hilarious. I went to see a guy after college about my website. He asked me a few questions about my site and took a photo of me, and said that should be on the college website over anti-bullying week - how exciting!

Tomorrow I'm going to see Saw 4 with my friend Lee, then going out tomorrow night with Amy. Should be exciting.

Shall be off, anyway.

Good night!

xx

Posted by Sarah at 11:34 PM GMT

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Mood:  a-ok

Apologies in advance for any silly typos or sentence confusion and so on. Slightly drunk.

 It was my 18th birthday yesterday. It was extremely weird without my mum being here, but i survived. I'm having a party next Saturday - i can see that bein very very weird, because my mum would have been the first on the dance floor (oh no, not dancing, doing headstands instead) and the first on the karaoke. Will be very strange, but I think I'll be okay.

I had the first day at my new job yesterday also. It was just the induction, so we had to watch four and a half hours worth of videos about health and safety, wha to do in the event of a fire, theft, sales at the till, and so on. SO so boring. The supervisor person said I can go in during the week next week to do an hours worth of till training, then i can start next Saturday. Oh fun. At the same time i'm beginning my searchfor a new job, a permanent one.

 I got a tattoo today. yes, another one. It was kind of impulse. I woke up feeling relatively bad, and my first thought was "I know, i'll get a tattoo". I spent a while searching the internet for designs, then my little sister suggested i get 'mum' tattooed in chinese on me, so i did. I kind of regret it to be honest. I dont regret getting the tattoo, i just regret there it is. Its on the underside of my left wrist. I should have just got 'mum' in a curly kind of writing and the date she died.

 Picture, yes:

I think i actually hate it.

Oh well. I guess I can't complain - its my own fault for being so impulsive *rolls eyes*

Thats about all I've been doing really. Interesting, hmm?

oh oh oh though I am st here ON THE SOFA writing this blog, because I now have a laptop, and its a laptop with an internet connection. Check me!

Shall write again soon

Sarah xx

Posted by Sarah at 11:15 PM GMT

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Mood:  not sure

Oh God! I haven't been here for a while. Things have been so hectic I haven't had time to write about what I've been doing and so on.

To be honest, i havent done much apart from college and work and college work. Tis a fun life, yes? I'm enjoying college now. I've met some great people. We're off for a while now and back on the 15th oct. It'll give me time to recuperate :P
What else? Work is fine. I have a new job. I start ojn the 12th oct. The only downside of that is, is that its only temporary over christmas. The positives are its MUCH better pay and its in the town center, meaning I only have to catch one bus to get there instead of two. This weekend is my last weekend at Mountain Warehouse, woohoo!
Driving is going well. You'll be glad to know I can reverse round a corner now. My instructor said I should be ready for my test soon (and its about time. I've had 40 hours and have paid for another 10. skanking sod).
I have started seeing my case worker. she's lovely. she's signed me up to an online programme thingi to work on changing my negative thoughts into positive ones (cognitive behavioural therapy). I also have a counsellor from Cruse now. She's called Elizabeth and is very nice. We havent done much in sessions so far, cos i've only have two. I see her on saturdays before work, but may have to change that when i change my job.
I've started my psychology course too. I'm enjoying it. It's so interesting. We're doing schizophrenia at the moment. We touched on that when I did AS, but A2 is so much more in depth! Its hard to take in, but im managing. I think one of the good things is because i'm doing it through distance learning it's one-to-one so i have time to myself with a tutor to go through things and ask questions if i dont understand, which I wouldnt do if it was a classroom situation.
College are being fantastic about things. I was having a bad time a while ago and i spoke to the head of health and social about it (i have her for some lessons). she spoke to the student mentor, and i saw him to chat about things. A week later I had a meeting with the head of H & S and the student mentor, and we sorted some things out. When i go back to college i'll be seeing the student mentor once a week. He will also take alist of important dates (6 month anniversairy for my mum, a year, birthday, christmas and so on) so college are aware and can be as supportive as possible if things get difficult. they're being truely amazing about it all though.
I should go to bed anywya. It's 10 past mid night and I'm really tired. Kayleigh and I went to see Chuck and Larry today. If you're thinking about going to see it, GO!! it's fantastic! I laughed all the way through it - its so funny.
anyways, good night xxx

Posted by Sarah at 11:12 PM GMT

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