Mood:
caffeinatedNow Playing: I ave my MP3 player on, listening to Pink at the mo
Stuff not much better but I'm surviving so I guess thats all that really matters.
I had my first day at college today. I'm a bit disheartened by it and questioning whether I do want to be there or not. Its tiring the thought of being at college every day. I'm there from 9am til 4.15 monday, 3.15 tuesday, 4pm wednesday, 5.15 thursday and off on fridays. When i was at my old college I only had about 12 lessons a week. Thats 9 hours of education a week. Now I'm having 24 hours a week. thats like, a FULL DAY!!!!! *composes self*
Anyway, i'm confused about what I want to do, and feel like its too much effort and a total waste of time even being at college at the moment. I'm having second thoughts about social work, cos how am I supposed to help other people when I cant help myself? It seems like such a waste of time, and i'm not to sure what I want to do anymore. *sighage* The thought of all the work I'm gonna have to do and the course work and assignments and assesments. Bleh. The thing is, I want to stay and do well, not stay and mess it up like I did last time, and at the same time I just want to leave and get a job, but I know i'd regret that.
I'm only writing this here because I dont think anyone reads it, and if i was to say it somewhere else or *to* someone I'd just get lectured about it and told to stop being stupid.
Pfffft. It's annoying. I hate having to make life changing decisions. Its stupid how you need qualifications to be able to *do* something with yourself, and not end up working full time at mountain warehouse or whatever. BLAH.
Anyway, I did enjoy it. I met some nice people.
Something happened yesterday that really shocked me. I was at work when i got a phone call from my sister saying someone had stolen Benny. Benny is my cocketiel. Someone tell me why on earth someone would want to steal someones bird? We'd left his cage in the garden cos it was sunny outside etc and benny likes to be outside. A women knocked on the door and said some boys had been in the garden and had stolen benny & his cage. It's really sad. Poor Benny. As horrible as it sounds, lets face it, more than likely he'll be dead by now. The police are supposed to be coming round tonight to talk to my sister about what she knows, but she's buggered off out somewhere *rolls eyes*.
Still quite aggitated and annoyed. I think its an evening thing.
Quite worried about Kayleigh, my little sister. Before my mum died, she was happy and chatyand loud of outgoing, and now she's just quiet and sleeps alot and is stroppy and cries/gets angry over the smallest things. I recognise this is all related to the death of my mum, but what do i do to make it okay for her? Without sound self pitying, she reminds me a lot of myself when i was her age, and that was when my grandma died. I'd hate to imagine how she feels; this is her mum we're talking about, not her grandma. I'm seeing my old tutor from school soon hopefully, so wil ask her to talk to school about her or something. I dunno. I'm happy enough to listen to kayleigh if she wants to talk about stuff, but i think sometimes its better for the person whos doing the listening to be someone thats not wrapped up in the whole situation. But yes. I dunno. She keeps threatening to kill herself too, which is kind of attention seekingish, but i'm not gonna...not take it seriously, in cse she does mean it. I think its quite manipulative too, cos sh says is during arguments or whatever. I tried talking to her yesterday but she wasnt luistening and she didnt seem to want to talk. Bleh. Oh well.
Tired.
Posted by Sarah
at 6:31 PM GMT
